I really thought you were what I needed.
I am able to say I’ve made mistakes and messed up and full heartily admit my faults because I’m no longer that person, I’m so much better than I was before, and if that makes you vain for taking a liking to who you’re becoming than that’s fine with me.
i think i might still love you a little
This is me. Wow this is perfect
It’s been better. Or at least that’s what I had thought.
But if it really has been better why am I sitting here feeling like my life is blowing right out of my hands like grains of sand bit by bit all happening so fast every second that passes by. Things have been good so now when this hots as it so annually does it hits harder than the first time, though this isn’t the first this is just one of the many feelings of lost control I’ve endured in my life. I constantly feel anxious like I need to just breathe a little bit faster or there’s something I’m late for. Always late for. And I don’t know what to do. I’m missing old people, I’m wanting to talk to you. I want what I had last year and the year before that. I missing a school I hated because it was just easier. I knew what I had to do here I am for the first time having to decide for my own self what to do other my life and I just can’t I don’t have a clue I’m indecisive and a mess and it’s finally all hit I’m at rock bottom and the biggest mess
I don’t know why I let it bother me but I do, I hate knowing there’s people that despise me based off second hand stories they heard from someone who never even cared to hear the truth. Being fake enough to smile and then talk behind my back is ridiculous, holding a grudge on me based on a mistake…
I hate not having closure with people, I let friendships or relationships that have ended on a bad note eat away at me long past their stay. Simply knowing that there’s people who go out of their way to say something nasty or exaggerated what really happened involving myself and them, just bluntly…
I need everyone more than they need me. I’m so fucking alone it’s tearing my apart. I’m second to those I put first and would drop any for, yet a simple conversation is too much to ask. Have I hit rock bottom yet?